I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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