Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
