they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
