Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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