I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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