I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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