Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize