He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
