It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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