...so i touched it.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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