Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize