Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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