They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
