the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
