Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
A bitchslap is in order.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
