So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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