It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
