did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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