I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
