Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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