The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
