i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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