I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
organizing the empties. That sober.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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