My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
