I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
