We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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