I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
