I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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