shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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