everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
