Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Randomize