She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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