You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
