if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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