apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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