I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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