ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Randomize
