What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
