Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You've changed since you got that strap on
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize