Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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