He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
