Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
