I didn't shave. On purpose
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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