i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
fuck your aforementioned shoe
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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