It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
