I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
