fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
