chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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