How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
