he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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