There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
