i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
