I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Randomize
