we have pet lesbian snakes
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
