Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
