I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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