Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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