There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
