Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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