Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
