you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
