I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
