I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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