Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
