She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
if only i could text you this smell
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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