The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
