I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
