You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Randomize
