i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
