I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Randomize
