I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
So squirting runs in the family.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
