She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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