how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
