i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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