I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
