Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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