i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
