Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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