I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
