I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
