dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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