I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
They have beer where we have blood.
Randomize
