I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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