I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
