we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
