Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
