apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
