Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
