When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I currently don't understand fingers.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
