went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize
