1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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