Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
