if you like me you must not know who I am
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
