you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
