I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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