question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Randomize
