Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
