You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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