so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
