So drunk its hurt
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
