I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
