I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
