You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
