Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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