Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
