every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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