Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
