Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
