On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
