I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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