addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
