I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
