I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
