me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
