Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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