If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
