We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
